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Elementary school in Rhode Island now offering to send parents a text message containing the grade they’ve earned on science projects.
Chemical engineer Michelle Waters was startled, when her live-in boyfriend came home early, and found her watching Black Entertainment Television. “I was devastated,” said Michelle “We would joke all the time about how BET was for the idiots who listen to Soulja Boy.” “But fuck that, Mo’Nique cracks me up.”
Gay marriage bill passes in Mississippi making it legal for couples to marry, but specifically bans interracial gay marriage.
Team Six, the elite Navy Seal unit that was trusted with the task of capturing Osama bin Laden, are hanging their heads today as rap hype man/reality TV star Flavor Flav is still breathing. The mission which insiders are saying was an important first term goal for Obama, perhaps even more than finding bin Laden, was in acted more than 17 months ago under the name Operation Shut That Nigga Up.
Obama was apparently so frustrated that it is not a crime to appear on national TV and “act like a coon,” on channels with a substantial white viewership like VH1 no less, that he ordered the death of Flavor. “We were told to put a bullet in him and any pregnant women found in his presence” said one member of Team Six, “Our biggest mistake was hitting the house in the dark, even with our night vision goggles we couldn’t see the bastard! We should have used infrared.”
The HBO network is no stranger to risqué programming, whether it was the violence in The Sopranos or the sexual exhibition of Real Sex. But their latest endeavor may cause some people to ask “Have they gone too far?”
The show, a spin-off from creators of the popular FOX program So You Think You Can Dance? will feature several elements shared by it’s predecessor, including having three judges and being filmed in front of a studio audience.
Contestants will be asked to demonstrate their extraordinary abilities for points. During one segment a man advanced to the next round when, as promised, he was able to make a judge have an orgasm simply by rubbing his penis gently behind her earlobe. Producers have already recorded all nine episodes for season one, which is expected to debut in September.
More Controversy For Obama. Not only has he come under fire this week for not releasing photos of a “dead” Osama bin Laden, but now Obama claims to have wiped his butt “…last night.” However, when later asked by the press for proof, he refused to provided photos of his soiled toilet paper.
Serena Williams stabbed in the butt by attacker!! Surprisingly the tennis star said she did not feel a thing. She was rushed to a local emergency room where doctors tried to stop what they thought at first was bleeding. Test later revealed the substance that oozed from her butt wound was in fact peach flavored Jell-O.
What?! Leaked documents show that Planned Parenthood asked NASA how much would it cost to perform the first ever abortion in space!!
DANCERS UP IN ARMS after Mississippi refuses to acknowledge the states first black stripper to cross the color line. Gladys Walker was the first Negro stripper to give a white man a lap dance. She also tried to trademark her stage name “Peaches,” but was unsuccessful. Rapper Trina has agreed to play Ms. Walker, in a biopic being filmed for BET.